Series 2: Kryten
"Uh, Lister. We're not talking about books where the main character is a dog called Ben."
"Just because they're aliens doesn't mean they don't have to visit the little boy's room. Only they probably do something weird and alienesque - like it comes out of the top of their heads, or something."
"What am I supposed to say? 'Fear not! I'm the bloke who used to clear the gunk out of the chicken soup machine. Actually, we know sod all about space travel, but if you've got a blocked nozzle, we're your lads!'"
"You always put the emphasis on 'Rim'. Makes me sound like a lavatory disinfectant."
"Smeg off, dog food face!"
"You've only got to look at them. They've got less meat on them than a chicken Mcnugget."
"There's a simple test: okay girls, hands up those of you who aren't dead."