Series 2: Thanks for the Memory
"A big fat woman with thighs the size of a hippo's."
"It's like a cross between food and bowel surgery."
"March 16th, 7:31pm to 7:43pm. Twelve minutes. And that includes the time it took to eat the pizza."
"Pearls of wisdom from Mr. Fried Egg, Chili, Chutney Sandwich Face."
"So? A surf board foot sized monster came aboard, did a jigsaw, drained our memories and broke a couple of legs. So what? Forgive and forget, that's what I say."
"Right, Smeg Brain, prepare to die."
"We spent a night in a hotel in Southport and made love six times. According to her letter, you were in the exact same hotel and you made love six times, too. Twelve times a night? What is wrong with the woman? She's sex mad."
"The woman I loved most in the world had her tongue down your ear. The most romantic thing I've had down my ear is a Johnson's Baby Bud."